Understanding the attachment process can help you have a more peaceful life.
by Cindy Hunter
Last week we made our annual sojourn to the beach. As is typical, we planned our vacation to coincide with our good friends. That put one of our daughters a block away from her lifelong best friend. Perfect proximity by my way of thinking.
My long ago Outer Banks trips with my childhood bestie “June Bug” conjured up mystical memories of surf, sand, and the joy of joining another family, albeit for just a week. The fact that these trips only happened for me between the ages of 10 and 15, forty plus years ago, has done nothing to dim their luminosity in my memory.
And so it goes, periodically, that I must entice my mountain-loving husband and kids back to the place where life was at its best for me as a child. For many years, I did…
- June 27, 2017
- Categories: 13 Reasons Why, Caring for Others, Counseling Tips, Pain, Parenting, Suicide
Reasons to Engage "13 Reasons Why"
by Dr. Bill Clark
Over the next 6 weeks, we’re posting a series of blogs discussing the Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why, based on the 2007 book.
If you haven't heard about it yet, the show 13 Reasons Why depicts the trials of a teen named Hannah, who decides to end her life after episodes of bullying, voyeurism, rejection, betrayal and sexual assault (as both a witness and victim). The viewer cannot help but see and feel the cumulative diet of shame and injury wear her down and deplete her resolve. In a bizarre (and unlikely until now) act of care, vengeance, explanation, and/or confession, she leaves tapes targeting the 13 relationships/events that led to her decision.
I first took notice because school systems sent statements home to parents warning them about the show, a rare occurrence. Then two of the McLean Presbyterian Church fellows watched and shared…
When I think about caring for others, I am reminded of a the time I joined some fellow cyclists on the Civil War Century bike ride. I signed up for the 64-mile ride which was further than I had ever ridden before. For much of the ride, I was doing fine and pedaling along with the others.
Well I was doing fine until about the last 10 miles. My legs were worn out, and I wasn’t able to keep up with the others. My husband, Ken, saw that I was struggling and dropped back from the rest of the riding crew. He slowed his pace to match my pace and he rode alongside me talking to me and encouraging me along the way.
As we hit one of the last hills, I was certain that I would not be able to climb it. It was then that Ken reached out and placed…
This past weekend, Dr. Bill Clark, Ph.D. was able to speak at Reston Bible Church on depression and the gospel. He walks through critical questions about depression and how believers can come alongside those struggling. Dr. Clark points out the key truth that, until we see ourselves as emotionally & cognitively broken, we cannot empathize with the brokenness and suffering of others.
Watch the video from his talk below:
Questions Dr. Clark covers:
What is depression? Does the Bible talk about it? How should a christian treat depression? What does someone battling depression need most? What Scriptures can we reference about depression? What does the Bible say about depression and the gospel?
Other helpful books on depression:
Tim Keller, Walking with God Through Pain & Suffering
John Piper, When the Darkness will not Lift
Dr. Henry Cloud, Changes that Heal
Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend, What to Do when you Don't know What to Do
Imagine being on the way home and there is road construction. Your normal route is blocked; you have to find a new way or you won’t get home! This change is thrust upon you and you must react.
External or circumstantial change—you know, the type of change that we aren’t responsible for— provokes us to react, doesn’t it? It demands a response whether we are aware or not, willing or not. A route change is an ‘external change’ for you. You might prefer the old route, but it’s blocked, or gone. You might prefer your old haircut or office or preacher or news anchor, but they are gone, and you must respond.
On a Larger Level—
Personal forces are tampering with life around us. People, nations, organizations and industries are strategizing ways to move forward that will affect us in some way; we react, respond, and ultimately, we adapt. Likewise, the dark forces…
Bill defined change, exposed our beliefs and actions when facing change, and then finally, he showed us what really matters to God when we confront change. When I think of change, the word that comes to mind is LISTENING. Change does not happen without someone listening— either to God or others. That seems fairly basic, and yet when I asked a group of my favorite counselors to talk about listening, after much give and take, one responded very definitively, “It’s hard!”
What makes listening hard, difficult?
My mind immediately went from the counseling arena to the pleasant thought of greeting my twelve-year-old granddaughter; she will often exclaim, with an inflection in her voice that can only be that of a teen, “Gr-am, you are spif-fy!” Hugging her, with a smile-filled response and inflection that can only be that of a more-than-proud-grandmother is usually, “Noel, you are swag!” Spiffy and swag represent our generational exchange. The emphasis is on exchange—Noel adopting…
I learned much of the LCI model back in the early 90’s in a Sunday school class taught by Bill Clark before the Lay Counselor Institute even existed. The model that I learned transformed the way I looked at my own life as well as the way I saw God. In time, it propelled me to graduate school and a career in counseling. Even armed with a degree in counseling, the truths I learned through LCI are really the bedrock of how I counsel and how I aspire to live.
But, it does not stop here. My pastor and his wife have been trained through LCI and this training colors the way they shepherd at Mid-Atlantic Community Church. Through the church, I lead a LCI consultation group made up of lay counselors from inside and outside my church. Our pastor routinely refers individuals to these lay counselors. It has truly been a ‘gift that keeps on giving.’ I can think of no more worthy organization to support!